by Anthony Preman
For many months now, if not a year plus, I have been avoiding writing. I have not just avoided writing, I have been avoiding many of the foundational components of what comprises, “Me.”
When I have the conversations with myself that I seem to have on a daily basis, (not literal conversations, just introspectiveness ) I ask myself why is it that I ignore these things? I can of course, always come up with a valid reason that will suffice the question for that particular day, but the answer is shallow and will only hold up for a short amount of time until I am asking the same question once again. In other words, excuses can only hold a certain amount of substance before they are no longer applicable. It wasn’t until recently, in the last month or so that I started to admit to myself the reason(s) that I have been ignoring these basic foundational components of my life. It wasn’t that I was too busy or that I was too tired, (I tried both of these excuses) it was due to the fact that despite my being a Numerologist, Metaphysical Teacher and Counsel to people, I too am human. And what I mean by that statement is that despite my ability to help others through some of the most difficult times that they may encounter, there have been times that I have been unable or rather, unwilling to help myself.
People who do not work in the field of Metaphysics often have a misunderstanding of the people that do work in the field of Metaphysics. Many misconceptions include such things as, we are always, “tuned in,” or that our personal lives are somehow spent in constant centeredness and free from any forms of anxiety or any other form of basic human trial and tribulation. Let me be the first to tell you if you have not heard this before, but this is not the case. We are human beings with the same ability as everyone else to fall into the clutches of fear, despair and feelings of inadequacy. The problem for many of us that do work in the field of Metaphysics is that we don’t always know where to turn or whom to turn to. It is also at this point that the Ego may become involved and our feelings of inadequacy and self-consciousness take over in order to, “hide” these self-anointed short-comings from others. And thus, begins the spiral.
Those of us who work in this field sit with others who have come to us for guidance and a bit of insight. We feel a sense of love, compassion and understanding for these people. We do our best to be the conduit between their questions and the answers that they need. We do our best to guide them in a way that allows them to come to the self-realization of what they must do in order to achieve a better sense of balance in their lives. We do our best to help them clear the, “clutter” that has disconnected them from the Divine and the true sense of what IS. We realize that this “mind clutter” is what plagues all Human Beings and separates them from any form of clarity which in turn leaves nothing but darkness and fear which in turn, feeds on itself. We do not have the ability to open the door for them and make them walk through it; we can only show them the door and hope that they chose to walk through it. Some do and some do not.
We see person after person and because of our very nature, we feel a need within us to “save” everyone who comes before us. We feel a need to give of ourselves to the point of depletion. This need is not conceived out of a desire to have others infer our actions as important or to fill any other Egoic based need; it’s a desire, or even at times, a fear that we will somehow not be able to help them and thus, their spiral will continue. But what we at times forget is that when fear takes over within us, the actions that we take DO become Egoic and thus, our own spiral starts. What we forget is that we are all born with a characteristic that allows us free will. We want them to reach out and turn the door handle and walk through it. We want to see them have this sense of peace that can only be found in the Kingdom of Heaven within. The same sense of peace that we have found. But what we forget at that very moment is that we have also lost that sense of peace from time to time in our own lives. We also seem to forget that when we do lose that sense of peace or we walk back out that door into a non-centered state that we have the ability to turn around and walk back through it. We forget that even though the person who is sitting before us or somehow involved in our lives is hurting, they are never abandoned; they are never alone. And if they chose to not walk through that door, it is not us, the Metaphysicians who have failed them in some way; it is the blessing of free will.
Today, I have chosen to walk through that door. I have chosen to not just realize from an intellectual level of what has been occurring in my life and make additional excuses as to why I have been choosing to not walk through that door, but to actually reach out, grab the door handle and take that first step through the doorway. And for as much as I was afraid to do this and as I write this, my fingers shake, I am proceeding. This is the first step of implementing balance into my life once again and remembering that I must not only take care of those that sit before me, but taking care of myself as well.
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