by Peter Perkins
This past Saturday February the 13th I was able to attend a Forgiveness Work Shop instructed by Linda Aragon. In addition to her teaching at DACC, she also runs a local A.R.E group here in Las Cruces. If you have never heard of A.R.E., you’re like me when I first found out about them. A.R.E. stands for Association for Research and Enlightenment. Now onto the class.
I arrived early as I usually do, for those who know me. I helped set up the tables and chairs and we were fully fleshed out with fifteen students by 9:05 am. Yes it was an early class. I know that I was curious about the class since it was a four hour workshop. My thoughts were on could we fill four hours with talks about forgiveness?
We most certainly could, I would even say we could have easily spent another hour. The first half of the class we all introduced ourselves and then jumped right into the first section of the syllabus, Anger Management. Images of nerf bats and people yelling to vent danced in my head; though this wasn’t part of the class at all. Instead we focused on Anger and how small little things can add up till we boil over. Yet in retrospect viewing the little things that bring anger twenty-four hours later or even an hour later sometimes it is funny that we would let such minor things upset us. I myself am apt to get angry while driving. People sleeping through green lights or parking on the street before pulling into a driveway at a snails pace tend to get to me. Though it is only a temporary thing – angry for the moment and gone the next – as I cruise off to my destination. Still for some they hold onto these minor angers and they build. We learned how to empty our anger drum. A nice little term to describe how much anger we are holding in our bodies. We learned that anger is a secondary emotion the primary usually being fear, hurt or frustration.
We moved on to Communication Skills. This was amazingly simple as it might seem is often skipped over entirely so that we could hold onto our anger and need to be right. After all who wants to actually talk when we could shake fists and hold grudges. Some simple steps for resolving anger by talking things through were discussed, mainly focused on letting the person know why you are upset as well as how you feel about it. The communication skills were great because they keep the power in your hands. Instead of playing victim or the I’m right your wrong game. This section on communication skills focused on self empowerment and resolving anger issues through talking things out and setting resolutions fully based on what we were capable of thus taking the power out of the other persons hands.
We moved onto Listening Skills next. While it would seem to be part of communication skills the two were broken down into speaking what was on our minds and listening to the other person. Perhaps learning the truth behind why someone feels a certain way and creating a better sense of empathy. With good listening skills we can often learn the real reason behind anger. Since anger is a secondary emotion we can often learn is the other person afraid, or perhaps hurt and this makes dealing with the situation much easier.
Then we had a break and returned to focus on Forgiveness directly. Linda went into the traditional methods of forgiveness and restated forgiveness is an act for ourselves not for the other person. It is so true as we are the one’s holding onto things with the other person sometimes being completely unaware. There were some worksheets and more discussions.
Then we went into radical forgiveness. I liked it! This was a new idea based on a more metaphysical view of life. Everything happens for a reason and for our own spiritual good. Hard concept to take for most people and though I am familiar with it and believe it, just a few years ago I would have thrown such a concept in the trash. Yet it was great to see some of the students who had never heard of the concept suddenly click with it. Even had some have “Ah Hah!” moments of realization. I myself must admit I too had an epiphany about my own life.
All in all it was a wonderful class. We all learned something. Hopefully we will all be able to keep these life skills with us.
Peter
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