Surrender
by Anthony Preman
Since the very first time that I realized that I had some sort of intuition, which was probably around the age of 6 or 7, I have wondered why it was that I had this ability. At first, it scared me. I remember being a child and referring to this ability as, “the freaky stuff” and not wanting to disclose this to anyone for fear that I would be looked at as some sort of freak myself.
As I grew older, my intuitive ability grew, “worse,” or rather, it grew to a point that I called it getting worse. For many years well into my late teen years and my early adult years, I ran away from this and tried to do everything that I could to define, “what I was not.”
I had seen and heard so many others make fun of the people on television, such as, Sister Cleo, Dionne Warwick and the Psychic Friends Network, etc. and there was no way in my mind that I wanted to be associated with anything that would draw more attention to this ability that I clearly did not want. So I ran away from it. I ran away on both a mental and a spiritual level and did things that were contrarian in thought and process from anything remotely spiritual or what I deemed psychic in any way as to avoid being categorized as such. In other words, I did not want to face the fact of what I was born with; it was easier to run away or just avoid it. As time went on, the path of avoidance that I had chosen grew treacherous and my spirit grew weary.
Everything that was happening along my path was pushing back to my true nature.
Years later, after much pain, heartache and the epiphany that avoidance had finally caught up with me, I had a long talk with God. At the end of this conversation, I fell down on the ground and looked up and said, “I surrender!”
Those were two of the most powerful words that I have ever said; I surrender. I surrendered my resistance, my attempt to define what I was and most of all, my ego.
So with this new outlook, I started my spiritual quest. Granted, I conducted this quest incognito at first for fear of being labeled, but it did start.
As the years past, my acceptance of my ability grew as did my ability. There were some of my friends that I entrusted this information to, but this was few and far between.
By this time, my profession was in the Investment Advisory and Retirement Planning Industry. This industry is very conservative and very, “right wing.” So by day, I wore my suits and worked my way around Wall Street. By night, I studied metaphysics.
Some of the other issues that I dealt with was the, “Why?” Why was it that I had this? Did this ability imply that I had a gift bequeathed from God or did it mean that I was something special? I didn’t know the answer, but what I did know was that I did not feel special nor did I feel as if this were a gift. It felt as if it were just a natural part of me.
My studies within Metaphysics led me to the many sources of information. I was still searching for the answer I so desperately needed; why?
I asked my mentor why it was that I had this. At the time I asked this question, I had no desire to work in the intuitive or psychic field as she did and that I wasn’t quite sure as to the logic of why it would be wasted upon me.
I was not a John Edward nor was I any of the other well known psychics that we see on television or read about. My mentor then smiled at me and said one of the simplest things, she said, “No, you’re not those people, you’re just Anthony.”
For some reason, this very simple, yet brilliant answer spoke to me. I was just Me. I didn’t have to be like others nor did anyone expect me to be. I just had to be myself.
Since, I have helped others grow in their metaphysical abilities so that they are able to find their own answers.
One of the very common issues that many have is that they feel they need to be proficient in all metaphysical aspects such as Tarot, Astrology, Numerology, Palmistry, so on and so on.
Why do many students of Metaphysics feel that they must know all of these tools and have the ability to use these tools in an expert capacity? Is this not setting ourselves up for failure in the end or at least a very rocky path?
For myself, I am a Numerologist. I was introduced to Numerology years ago by my mentor and for some reason, it clicked within me. The numbers and the manner in which they react when introduced to each other….speak to me. The more I studied, the more I became enthralled in the world of numbers and how absolutely everything in our existence is based in Numerology.
Now, I know that Astrology and Tarot are related to Numerology in many ways, but I could not give a client an Astrology or Tarot reading and know within my heart that I have done well by this client.
There are also mediumistic abilities that some individuals have grown and nurtured within themselves. John Edward is an individual who has mediumistic abilities and does it quite well.
This is an area that I did not want to develop within my studies. It scared the hell out of me initially! My thought was that if you were dead, then you stay on your side of the fence and I’ll stay on mine!
My first personal encounter with this sort of communication happened a few years ago one night as my wife and I were laying in bed. My wife’s grandmother came through to me and validated things to me that I could pass on to my wife. These were things that I could not know and were only known to my wife and her grandmother. To spare you the details of this encounter, I will summarize it in the fact that I was not as scared as I thought I would be. I also very quickly learned how to block myself from this and use it when communication was needed.
After this first encounter, it was similar to that scene in the movie, “Ghost” when Whoopi Goldberg is overwhelmed with spirits that have found out that she is able to act as a conduit between them and us. I was overwhelmed with communication and it was scrambling my brains as well as my nerves!
I asked a very good friend of mine why it was that this happened? It was something that I never intended to develop nor did I desire for it to continue. My friend then asked me a question. He asked, “Why did you start to explore your intuition?” My answer to him was that I wanted to find some peace with it and then to become more enlightened as to the reality of what is.
He then smiled and said, “Well imagine that your desire for enlightenment is similar to you wanting to move to California for the warmer weather. As you get closer to California, it becomes warmer and warmer. You arrive and the weather is everything that you expected and then some.” At this point, I was not seeing where he was going with his analogy.
“But…” he said, “…while you are enjoying the warm weather that you so desired, you are also having to deal with the earthquakes, inflated prices of goods and the crime. You didn’t ask for that did you?” I looked at him and the proverbial, “dots” in my head started to connect. “You didn’t ask for those things either, but they come with moving to California….it’s part of the package.”
So upon your own spiritual quest and development, ask yourself what tool you feel the most comfortable with and then study that tool extensively! Learn that tool and be the subject matter expert. The other abilities, as needed, will come to you when the time is right for you to learn that skill.
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