After much self-debate over whether or not to write this, I have decided to go ahead. The intent of my blog is to share my life experiences in hope that it will help someone else; so this experience needs to be included.
My mother and I had only shared Christmas cards and occasional letters over the last nineteen years or so.
For approximately five years (plus), she was not doing well health-wise.
About three weeks ago, I had a vivid and lucid dream (shortened version here). In this dream, my grandmother called me and said, “Your mother is lucid and wants to talk to you. Will you go see her?” I said I would speak with her.
The next scene was a hospital-type setting; I entered her room where I found her sitting at a table, with a chair available for me.
She said she wanted to tell me that she was sorry, and verbalized a single incident from our past.
I asked her if she had anything she wanted to say about other incidents. “What do you remember?” she asked me.
Without anger, frustration, hostility, etc., I shared with her what I had remembered from very early childhood and up; the good and bad. She said she was surprised at all that I had remembered.
I then asked her, “Why did you really contact me?” She told me that she needed me to sign her release form so she could leave.
I told her that I would not sign for her; she couldn’t come live at our house.
I told her I wished her the best, and meant it.
The dream ended.
Later that week, I was relating the dream to a friend. She recommended that perhaps my mother was asking my permission to leave…to die. She thought that I should ‘go back’ and find out.
I forgot about that until this past week – on Wednesday night, I couldn’t sleep – I re-visited the dream.
I said to my mother that if she were asking my permission to cross over – to die – that she didn’t need my permission; however, if for some reason she thought she needed it, she had it.
She passed away July 4th.
On the evening of July 5th, I saw my mother (glowing, balanced and whole) standing next to my daughter…they finally got to meet one another.
They each smiled at me and faded away.
What’s the purpose of me sharing this story?
Sometimes forgiveness and healing cannot be resolved face-to-face; that, however, should not stop anyone from working on their issues and on forgiveness.
I had worked regularly, over many years, in the energy levels, to work things out with my mother – hopefully to bring peace to both of us.
She wasn’t asking my permission to die, per se’….she was asking if we were now okay; and we were.
I believe my mother is finally at peace.
by Jan Toomer
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