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29 Ways To Deal With Toxic People
By Simona Rich
April 25, 2014
Toxic people’s energy feels heavy and depressing. Negative people can quickly leave you feeling drained and low.
Here are some tips to deal with toxic people that worked for me when I was in a toxic relationship. Some tips worked for the people I coached, and some were given by my facebook readers.
1. Physically distance yourself.
That’s the most obvious and best way to deal with toxic people because no matter how much you try to protect yourself, sometimes they still find a way to do damage.
2. In no way give your energy to them.
Toxic people crave your energy and attention. They especially like when you negatively react to their remarks. Don’t give them such joy – refuse to react with your body and emotions, and they will find you not amusing enough to spend their time on.
3. Limit your exposure.
Think of ways to limit the time you spend with toxic people. Can you physically shift away from them? Can you arrange your day so that your schedule doesn’t meet theirs? For example, if you live with a toxic person, maybe you can go to a library when they come back from work; or maybe you can go to sleep early if they go to bed late. This will buy you easy and light hours of your existence.
4. Balance their heavy attitude with positive influence.
Weigh the scales to your favor by introducing more positive activities in your day. Surround yourself with inspirational books, join positive entrepreneurs’ groups, start some new hobby; do everything to lift your mood, so that the effect toxic people have on you is insignificant compared to all the wonderful things you’re engaging in.
5. Understand that toxic people are in pain.
No person who hurts others is happy with herself. By verbally beating others up, toxic people actually batter their own selves. Their external toxicity is the symbol of how they treat themselves. The pain you feel after their remarks is lesser than the pain and misery they have to live with every hour of their lives. Be compassionate, therefore; this kind of understanding and attitude will help you to be less affected by their words and actions.
6. Energetically protect yourself.
Whenever you perceive some situation as threatening to drain your energy, imagine yourself in a gemstone egg. This egg is impenetrable, and any energetic attack jumps right off the egg’s stone shell. This is a powerful shielding technique to keep yourself balanced and in possession of all your energy.
7. Respect yourself.
The more you value yourself, the less time you spend with people who don’t value you. If you make excuses to spend time with toxic people, like
“But I’ve known him for ages”
or
“I can’t just severe our friendship”
…it’s time to raise your self-esteem. If you willingly choose to spend time with toxic people, your self esteem is low and deep within you think you deserve such treatment. Raise your self esteem and excuses to remain with toxic people will disappear.
8. Don’t let their words sink into your unconscious.
Never allow hurtful words to pass the barrier of the conscious mind into the sea of unconscious, because if you do, your confidence will diminish and your mood will go down; you will start limiting yourself in many ways if their hurtful words take root in your being. Always be on guard to what toxic people say to you; especially be alert for hidden belittling remarks that can sting after some time.
Such remarks, for example, are:
“Your story was inspirational! You probably should have avoided opening up that much, but I thoroughly enjoyed your story.”
These kinds of criticisms sandwiched between praises are easy to accept, and they start damaging your self esteem if they reach your unconscious mind.
9. It’s your choice.
You choose whether to be influenced by toxic people or not. You can stand your ground and refuse to take in their toxic waste, or you can choose to absorb it and make your life worse off as a result.
10. Refuse to lower your energy.
Toxic people can’t affect you if you refuse to lower your vibration to meet theirs. Only when you lower it, do you feed them with your energy and thus become disempowered. Every time you react to their remarks and behavior, you’re doing just that – lowering your vibration to get into rapport with theirs. Thoughtful positive response, or no response at all, on the other hand, keeps your vibration unchanged.
11. It’s not personal.
Do you think those people are toxic only with you? They’re toxic with everyone. A spiky plant doesn’t just hurt one hand that touches it – it hurts everyone who attempts to do so. The same applies to toxic people. This understanding will make it easier to bear them, and maybe you won’t take their remarks too personally anymore.
12. It’s not personal at all.
In addition to the previous point, let me also tell you that the way toxic people react to you is not really directed at You. They respond to their own mental projections of you; they’re fighting with their inner demons. If they’re toxic, the way they see the world and the people in the world is totally inaccurate, so don’t get upset when they hurt you; the image they see of you is not really who you are.
13. Avoid eye contact.
Most drainage occurs through eye contact. If you are quick to lose your ground and energy, therefore, avoid eye-contact with toxic people at all costs.
14. Avoid arguments.
Trust me, toxic people are experts in arguments. They will quickly bring you down if you attempt to over-smart them with arguments.
15. Keep it short.
The conversation with them should be kept as short as possible. Excuse yourself in any way to end the contact fast. Answer their questions in a way that don’t make the conversation continue, like “Yes” or “No”. Don’t feel bad about giving short answers, as it’s them that should be feeling bad about how they treat you.
16. Agree with them.
In the conversation, either agree with them or say something along the lines of “I understand where you’re coming from” or “Okay”, or “I see”. This will help to avoid unnecessary confrontations that would result in energy drainage, and it will protect you from more forceful negativity attacks from them. Never bite their low vibration hooks, no matter how carefully they craft them.
17. See whatever goodness they have.
However hard it may be, see what positive qualities toxic people have and focus all your attention on them; be grateful for those qualities, however insignificant they are, like an occasional smile or some sign of humility.
18. Be okay with their traits.
Accept them for who they are and make peace with that. They will change when or if they’re ready to change. There’s nothing you can do if they’re not willing to change.
19. Send them this energetic message:
“You’re in pain- that’s why you behave this way. I’m sending you love, compassion and support.”
Some of them will feel this message and will probably leave you since the energy coming forth won’t resonate with them. Some may benefit from this energy shower and will start changing, if they’re ready to change.
20. Check your vibration.
The hardest thing to acknowledge is that if you regularly attract toxic people, your vibration is not that different. Keep raising it and you will notice that negative people leave your life.
21. Turn it to positive.
Whatever toxic people say, laugh and say that it’s hilarious, when appropriate. This burst of happy energy is a real turn off for negative people and they will leave you in search for easier victims. Another thing to do is find inspiration in any part of their remark, and totally focus on it, like:
“Today is horribly cold.”
“I know, I love looking at snowflakes falling. It’s so beautiful and magical! It reminds me of the time when I was a child and …” (continue as long as you possibly can, getting more excited. This is a total turn off for toxic people).
22. Stand your ground.
Strongly assert your positive energy in no way being swayed by their negative remarks. If you avoid answering toxic people’s negative comments in a direct way, but turn it into something positive, it will help you remain unshaken. For example:
“I hate Bob.”
“You know I recently met Kate, Bob’s sister, and she looks gorgeous! She lost so much weight, good for her!”
Keep yourself on the clouds, so to speak, don’t descend from there. Toxic people will leave you shortly if you’re not subscribing to their gloom-filled reality.
23. Busy yourself.
Make yourself seem too busy to give them your time. Keep finding ways to get busy and keep excusing yourself from having to talk to them. You can even make it obvious that it’s an excuse, for they don’t value your time anyway so you shouldn’t care if it’s an urgent business or not. For example:
“I would like to talk to you about something.”
“Maybe next time as I need to fill these documents so I’ll talk to you later” and leave – no further excuses are necessary – you are busy and they should respect that.
Facebook readers’ tips
Here are some insightful tips that I got from my facebook readers when I asked how they deal with toxic people.
24. What can you learn from them? Are they reflecting some trait you have, which should be eliminated? – James
25. Let them be as they are, while you remain as you are. Leave emotions at the doorstep. – Marcus
26. Be an observer of their drama, there’s no need to react to their negativity. If we react, we start losing power to the situation. It’s a waste of energy. — James
27. Pretend you misunderstood what they said and turn it into something positive. — Anne
Additional tips
28. Leo Babauta in his post on negative people advises to face them with a company, so that it wouldn’t be only you on the receiving end as a target for all their negativity. I think that’s a great tip.
29. Whilst dealing with toxic people, keep working out your escape plan. You should and must create an environment to flourish in and to develop yourself in ways that your soul urges you to. To dictate what people can remain in your life you must be the master of it.
To become the master of your life, firstly you need to master your Self. Strengthen the inner core to get in control of your emotions, finances, relationships and all live’s aspects. This book can help to find courage and inspiration to stop fearing and start living. It helped me to break up with my toxic partner.
Conclusion
These 29 ways to deal with toxic people must surely make it easier for you to face their attitudes. If you have more tips to share that worked for you, please do so in the comments below! (Click here for comments page.)
Thank you Simona Rich!
http://simonarich.com/
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Please Don’t Feed the Duality
One group meeting message shared was, “You are all changing.”
This was following the last shift that had moved through. The shift (or download) not only shook some much needed-to-be-removed gunk to the surface to be released – but it also brought in some really beautiful new energy.
Another part of the message was that we are all going to begin to become who we truly are (individually).
It is exciting and perhaps a bit unnerving…especially since many have no clear mental image of who they really are.
It means our individual journey’s will take on a new timbre. Yes, the quality of the tonal sounds of your life is preparing to change.
It will probably be gradual – giving us time to adapt – but that is all I can say about how it will affect others.
Some of My Changes
For me, personally, I’ve noticed my desire to no longer play the duality game.
I’ve always understood that – while in third dimension reality – participation in dualities and opposites were needed for many to help learn and grow – to learn the differences between light and differing degrees of absence of light.
But, just like I did with setting up boundaries before (am still working on a few) – for not playing the drama games, the blame games, the manipulation games, or being drawn into them – I was just done. I didn’t (and don’t) want that kind of energy in my life anymore.
Now I don’t feel like playing the duality game anymore. I am drawn to the removal of positive vs negative, light vs dark, and the illusions tied to those creations.
Illusion
The child candidate in the movie, “The Matrix”, tells Neo – while sharing the secret of spoon bending -“There is no spoon.”
It is all an illusion.
Revisiting
- Everything is energy
- Energy is neutral. It is neutral until someone assigns what they want it to be
So our thoughts and/or beliefs, and the energy we use to hold and keep them in place – are what perpetuates the illusion of the positive/negative or dark/light.
It is our beliefs, and our emotions feeding those beliefs, that are holding the illusions alive and in our reality.
And for what?
The illusion of wealth or money?
The illusion of control, or dominion, over others?
Please Don’t Feed the Duality
A neat lady shared the following quote online, and I thought it fit perfectly with this article:
"Our thoughts are our own creation. We make them real by cooperating with them. If we withdraw our support, they will dissolve. Observe the thoughts closely, without labeling them. Then you will see them gradually going away." Amma
We are working hard to remove our energies from the third dimension reality…so why do we need to keep feeding the duality?
We don’t.
And yes, it can be that simple. Can't it?
The illusions need us to keep them going. If they no longer receive the energy to keep going, they will fade away.
I now begin my first step in releasing those illusions…how about you?
by Jan Toomer
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Ascended Masters Newsletter #180
Dear Friends,
Martin has informed me that the only way this newsletter will get published is if I actually write it. But with the powerful influx of Light pummeling the planet at this time it is a bit hard to maintain one's focus in a productive way.
Fortunately, Martin's work involves opening himself as a conduit of Light in order to help people heal so this productive line of work is only becoming more and more successful.
My work involves utilizing the Light as well. But it isn't such a straight-forward path. I must try to focus before I can begin activities. And focus is not easily come by these days.
I find I am either very, very high on these powerful frequencies, or feeling rather unhappy when I land in an uncomfortable spot. Balance and harmony are the key to moving through these times of rapid change. But these qualities seem rather elusive as the planet continues to pulse at a speed that appears dizzying.
We have been asked to invoke transformation, transmutation and healing as these energies flow through us. And today we were asked to trust the absolute power of the Light to carry us through this time.
But I might add that we need a mindfulness and focus in order for this to be possible.
And that is the elusive quality that I am struggling to find.
I'd much rather blame circumstances then take responsibility for achieving this focus.
So this newsletter will shed some light on how we achieve mindfulness in such an overwhelming set of circumstances.
Many Blessings of Love and Light,
Linda and Martin
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Ask for Help -- We are Here
A Message from the Beings of Light*
(* This is a collective message from the Beings of Light. You are encouraged to think of a being that resonates with you personally as the source of this message.)
We know this is a difficult time for most of humanity and for many, many other life forms as well. We are deeply connected to all of you. And when you ask for assistance, no matter what form the request is made, we endeavor to connect our Light and healing frequencies with you in order to fulfill your request.
We say we are endeavoring to connect with you because we frequently find that our efforts to be of assistance are not met with a welcoming response. In fact, we often find that although a prayer or request has been made, the intended receiver seldom believes that a response from the Beings of Lights is forthcoming.
Now, Leia [Linda] has written about our guidance to transform one's thoughts of suffering, transmute the energy within these thoughts to a higher, healing frequency and ask for help from the Beings of Light to aid you in this process.
But as of today, we offer an additional message. Trust that we are here to help you.
We know that as you observe and/or experience the difficulties occurring on the Earth at this time, such can appear overwhelming and frightening. Mother Earth is also moving further into an awakening process as well. So, humanity is struggling with opposing forces as the Earth itself is healing the difficulties it has been experiencing. The processes for healing the Earth may involve inclement weather such as hurricanes and tornadoes as well as Earth movements of various magnitudes.
As the Earth accelerates the rate of healing, those who are seeking to harm one another will cease these activities in order to deal with the far greater challenges that the Earth's healing process will present.
So you see, beloved friends, the problems you may perceive in your personal lives at this time may ultimately be put in abeyance as you address the need to be balanced and centered for the sake of being of service to the Light and Mother Earth during this time of deep transformation.
Leia speaks of a need for mindfulness and her inability, at times, to stay balanced and centered.
And we speak of a simple process by which such mindfulness can be achieved.
As you notice the discomfort continue to remind yourself that when you request help from the Beings of Light, the help will come.
But we cannot be of service if you do not welcome us after you have made the request.
Now, we know your minds will play with you and reiterate why your discomfort is justified. We have seen this response frequently in those who request our aid. We understand that the human mind wishes to be right and correct in all things.
To accept that perhaps this rich intelligence is not as wise as the higher consciousness that flows through your being -- giving you life -- is a very hard concept for most to accept.
And yet, we will tell you that, indeed, there is and always has been an intelligence greater than your conscious ego mind.
It is the Light of Infinite Source that is flowing through your being in this very moment.
When you trust this consciousness and allow it to guide you to the balance and harmony that you seek, then your suffering will cease.
The Earth will awaken into a new consciousness as well and you will be part of this flow of higher-vibrational Light that will fill all and everything.
But first, we ask you to trust that we are here and we will help you. If you allow.
Expansion Publishing
Linda Stein-Luthke & Dr. Martin Luthke
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Facebook:
Reality Undefined
- Reality Undefined's page.
Healing Requests
- Page for people to request free energy healing and a place for healers to offer free energy healing.
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Energy Update – September 8, 2014
- Off-centered
- Tilted
- Wonky
- Ishcombibbled
- Disconnected
- Scattered
- Focus Impaired
These are some of the feelings coming through right now. These can be mixed in with:
- Emotions/empathy is stronger
- Increased drama intolerance
- Desire to refine
- Craving order over chaos
It is a bit of a push me – pull me sensation, and – simplified – it boils down to this…
We are struggling to remain connected to what is familiar (living in third dimension energies).
We are struggling to disconnect from the third and move through the fourth and connect with the fifth dimension energies.
Push me – pull me.
When I experience the push me – pull me, it is almost comical (if it wasn’t so frustrating sometimes) to see me navigate.
In other words, I become very clumsy. I knock things over, spill things, and feel heavy and uncoordinated in my body.
This, for me at least, is not knowing what to do with my third dimension physical body, and how to completely convert it to a fifth dimension energy vibration.
It is an awkward transition – kind of like when we worked on going from puberty to adulthood. Awkward.
Then we have all of that with emotions/empathy being stronger seemingly tossed in here and there.
Okay, I cry a lot anyway – births, weddings, happy endings, sad endings, seeing acts of kindness or compassion, etc. … but I feel it even more deeply now.
At the same time, some are finding drama and pettiness hard to stomach and/or not wanting it, or those who thrive on it, in their life anymore.
Expanded Awareness
This one is frustrating. Catching more glimpses of the “Big Picture”, but wanting to be there now.
And for me, this goes hand in hand with “Craving order amidst chaos”.
Desire to Refine
Working on not only allowing the ‘real’ you to surface, but also practicing creating your life (manifesting your thoughts).
Whew!
As Always
I recommend staying aligned with your physical body (your subtle self re-aligning with your physical self by visualizing and saying, “head to head, neck to neck, arms to arms, hands to hands, fingers to fingers, torso to torso, legs to legs, feet to feet, toes to toes”) – as well as laughter and grounding.
_ _ _ _
I had a doozy of a time trying to type this (apparently still in the awkward phase *grin*). My fingers were all over the keyboard…and I had trouble with spelling every once and a while.
“Awkward” still looks wrong to me – seriously wrong (but the online dictionary assures me that it is the correct spelling).
I believe this goes back to the wanting to be in the “Big Picture” now. Telepathy (our known form of unimpeded communication which is normally dropped – at least to a lesser degree for some - when in third dimension) is one aspect of moving to the fifth dimension – instead of the awkward (yep, still looks wrong) and limited oral and written forms of communication.
by Jan Toomer
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Reincarnation? So Passé
Someone made the comment along the lines of: “I’ll deal with the consequences in another lifetime. This lifetime? I don’t care – I’m going to do whatever I want.”
I do understand the desire to do whatever you want in this lifetime, and it’s important to set your boundaries and create your life.
It’s also very important to take responsibility for your thoughts, actions and deeds NOW.
And I’m not too keen on the whole, “I don’t care who I hurt or use to get where I want to be” mentality.
Didn’t that person stop to think?
THIS is the lifetime to make things right (or balance the scales, balance karma, etc.). This lifetime is when you clear all of your lifetimes…past, present and future.
The reason we are working so hard making things right in this lifetime is because the yin/yang, duality, and reincarnation cycles will cease.
No more dealing with one’s actions in another lifetime.
We are dealing with all of our actions from all of our lifetimes NOW.
Reincarnation? So Passé
Reincarnation on Earth only happened because humans bought into it.
Some of you may be saying, “I don’t even believe in reincarnation, so I know that statement is wrong.”
Just because this physical manifestation of self doesn’t believe in it, doesn’t mean that your soul doesn’t believe in reincarnation.
Reincarnation was a group consciousness decision or agreement.
Since we are releasing the group consciousness Earth-life decisions, agreements and rules, the reincarnation cycle will cease to be.
Some Hanging On
Yes, there will still be some reincarnating until they take responsibility for their own lives and/or until third dimension Earth ceases to be viable.
And Some Coming to Help
And, if you haven’t already noticed – a lot of youth have been, and are being, born with past life memories and/or memories of their lives on the other side. A lot of the youth today are coming in to help others in their growth.
Why are they coming in with memories intact?
One, the veil of forgetfulness* is not being utilized as much anymore. Yes, some did, and will, use it – but there’s not as much call for a complete veil (though some may still use it as per their soul life-plan). They are coming in “awake” to help the human race.
Second, they are dealing with their past life in this lifetime – so usually the memory or memories intact are the ones they need to deal with.
Stop and Think
So please stop and think. We are dealing with our “later” now…so what are you setting yourself up for by not caring, and taking care of it, today?
* Veil of forgetfulness (simplified) = The erasure of the memories of past lives and of life on the other side in preparation for this life and giving one the opportunity to concentrate only on the current lifetime.
by Jan Toomer
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News and Views from the Other Side
Channeled by Jan Toomer
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September 1, 2014
Love
Love is not conditional, nor is it controlling.
It is not monetary, not gifts, or bribery.
It does not judge.
Love is acceptance and flows effortlessly.
And it is ours if we want it – we just need to accept it.
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September 8, 2014
Trust Yourself
If you’ve not done so yet, please consider learning to listen to and trust yourself.
For example: if something doesn’t feel right to you – it usually isn’t right.
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September 15, 2014
Stand In Your Truth
When you listen to yourself, you know what feels right to you and for you – and what doesn’t.
Don’t get sucked into a cult-like mentality. Remember, if something doesn’t feel right, it usually isn’t right.
Don’t accept someone else’s truths or beliefs unless is resonates – in a positive manner – in you.
Know that your own beliefs and truths can grow and change and you grow and change. This also means that can leave behind some truths and/or beliefs that no longer fit you – you had outgrown them.
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September 22, 2014
The previous News and Views were channeled from two deceased humans who had lived in my lifetime; crossed over and are now working with those who are still in human bodies.
This next one is channeled from another being who has worked – from the other side - with humans for a very long time.
To help streamline, I will consider the previous two presenters as presenters #1 and #2. That makes the following from presenter #3.
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Holding Back
Many messages have been presented about standing in your truth and being true to yourself.
Many have understood and worked towards these goals, but I’d like to go a bit more in depth.
We are not trying to undermine your progress, and are very proud of your hard work.
As people’s abilities surface, some are holding back – either hiding the ability or hiding the strength of the ability.
If you think about that action (holding back), it really isn’t standing in your truth.
We aren’t saying step into ego – only to own and accept responsibility for all of you.
When you don’t accept all of self, then there is still fear. Perhaps “programming” to feel “normal” and be accepted by your peers or society is what holds you back.
Not only are many others experiencing this, but many also feel very alone with this.
You are not alone. Your teams (guides) are with you to aid you with this.
Please embrace your being and your abilities. It’s time to accept and claim you.
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I do not know who owns the following photos, but I send my thanks to them!
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