by Jan Toomer

Over a year ago, a friend ‘read’ me and said I carry a deep sadness within me.

I have felt this for as long as I can remember.

The sadness weighs heavily within me.

I began digging – peeling layer upon layer. I started with the newest/freshest hurts, working through each one; back further and further; addressing each incident which popped up.

Every fear; hurtful word, action or thought directed to me – whether intentional on another’s part or merely misperceived by me.

All the way back to the womb.

Yes, the heaviness lightened, but was still there.

I do not have many lifetimes on Earth when compared to most. I bounced around from lifetime to lifetime – peeling more layers – finding more fears, more hurt.

A recent reading stated that I have come to Earth during pivotal times in man’s history. I chuckled and said, “Yes, I am an instigator” (behind the scenes). But the verbalization of my hidden-from-others histories was painful for me. It reminded me of …something.

I kept digging, all the way back to my first Earth lifetime.

The greed, jealousy, hatred, persecution of others, murder, lying, etc. ate away at me – I felt like I was drowning in negativity.

I had left that life, vowing to never return to Earth – the negative behavior broke my heart.

With each lifetime that I did come back here, I was very aware of the negative attributes of humans, as well as our (human) potentials.

By this lifetime, as a small child, I did not want to be here! I was not suicidal, but very withdrawn and not wanting much human interaction. I was a wide-open empath; I spent a lot of time in nature. Animals and plants don’t lie, or purposefully hurt another.

As I grew, I began cultivating my PMA (Positive Mental Attitude), seeing the good, the positive, the hope for the human race, the animals and plants and the Earth.

Then I began teaching others what I had learned.

Right before I sat to write this, it suddenly hit me!

Lifetime to lifetime I was broken-hearted about the human race; the anger, the destruction, violence, deception, apathy, etc. towards one another; towards plant and animal life; and towards Mother Earth.

My sadness was for Earth and those who live here; those who self-induced blindness towards others hurt all.

I think that throughout human history, we have thoroughly covered every negative aspect of being human. Isn’t it time we thoroughly explored and tried out every positive aspect – leaving the negative attributes behind?

I am so ready – for we really are amazing and have such wondrous capability to change the world for the better.

It begins with one person at a time…it begins with you.

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