We are being asked to seek clarity for the areas in our life where confusion, indecision or even fear reigns.

“Easier said than done”…right?

It is the confusion and indecision that has mired us down. It can be an anchor, preventing us from moving forward.

This is happening now in personal and/or work relationships.

Round and Round

I’m sure you’ve experienced it. The mental carousel. Round and round.

  • Do I stay or do I go?
  • What haven’t I tried to make it better?
  • What will people say if I quit / go?
  • Am I happy inside?

Going to Work – Seeing the Person

  • Do you get excited and/or happy to see that person or go to that job?
  • Is it draining, scary, nerve-wracking to be there or be around him/her?
  • Does your heart speed up? In fear or dread? Or in excitement?
  • Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around that person?
  • Do you want to make that person feel good about themselves?
  • Does that person try to make you feel good about yourself?
  • Have you done everything possible to make this right and/or make it work?
  • Has the other person done anything towards making it right?

Victim Roles

If you are still playing the role of victim (perpetuating the illusion that you are always being victimized), you can stop reading now. You’ll need to release that before progressing.

Trash or Treasure

To me, treasure relationships are ones that you feel good being in.

Both sides want the other to thrive and/or succeed.

There is a balance of give and take from both sides.

There is respect and/or love from both sides.

There is contentment; a peaceful feeling; or even love connected to the relationship – from both sides.

It feels healthy and mutual.

Trash, on the other hand, is self-serving.

Undermining, snideness, disrespect, and heaviness are some key words.

A one-sided relationship where fear or uneasiness can be present. The other party may work on decreasing or smothering your self-worth or self-esteem.

If you are the one working to make the relationship “work” or healthy, and you are doing it alone – well, this maybe the warning sign of a trash relationship.

I’m pretty sure you don’t take your household trash and lug it around with you everywhere you go…right?

That wouldn’t be healthy – and am sure it wouldn’t take long to stink.

So why would you lug around an unhealthy relationship?

I recommend getting off of that dizzying carousel and get involved with a healthy, balanced relationship. (Please be responsible with any changes.)

“But what will my co-workers/family/friends say about me?”

Hopefully they will be supportive of your decision.

But, in the end, it is you who has to make a decision and possible change. You are responsible for your life and energy (and of those in your care – such as those who aren’t old enough to care for themselves), and your co-workers and friends are responsible for theirs.

Isn’t it time to take the trash out?

Ask your team for clarity, focus and/or insight.

It’s time to get off the mental carousel.

by Jan Toomer



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