Are you having a streak of “bad luck”? Got passed over, again, for that promotion? Is your dishwasher, air conditioner, etc. failing?
Are your relationships seeming to get a bit rocky now? Does it seem these incidents are compounding? Are you feeling like you can’t catch a break?
On the physical level I can’t tell you why – but I am pretty sure the why on an energetic level is because…
…It’s not about that. It’s not about the streak of “bad luck”. It’s not about each incident; or the compounding of incidents.
It’s all about you. Yeah*…I said it. Let me explain.
It’s not about each incident; it’s about how you react to each incident.
When things seem to go wrong – one after another – we, humans, have a tendency to step into the victim-mode energy. I am not trying to invalidate one’s physical experience. I’m talking about the energy we each create in response to the incident.
When we slip into victim-mode energy, we’re angry and questioning, or demanding, “Why me!?” And here’s the catch…when we stay in that energy, we are actually drawing or calling more of the same victim-mode energy to us. The Universe (or whatever you prefer to call it) gives us what we put out; and the more we put out, the more we bring in to feed what we are emitting.
We, individually, are perpetuating it – and we, individually, can change it.
Here’s an extreme example:
My narcissistic mother kept on me the whole time I was living with her. Negative comments were spoon-fed me from the day I was born (actually, it began in utero).
When I was a teen, I screamed and demanded from the Universe, “Why me?!”
Then I married a male version of my mother. We, humans, also have a tendency to seek out what we know, whether it’s healthy energy for us or not.
When I’d had enough, I left my first husband and declared to the Universe, “No more!” I was no longer going to fall back into the victim-mode energy.
Yes, there have been narcissists peppered throughout my life, but I never slid all the way back into the victim-mode energy. Each time that “opportunity” presented itself, I was less and less triggered, until one day I was like, “Meh. No, thanks. Don’t want to play in that sandbox.”
The last narcissist incident, I waited for their true colors to show, and when that happened, I was done. No drama. No triggering. No reaction. I acted, and ended that relationship. Point being, I did not allow myself to step back into victim-mode energy. I no longer let someone live rent-free in my head. I no longer let someone pull the marionette strings (much less let them attach those strings to me).
Well, That’s Easy for You to Say
No. No it’s not. It was not an easy, snap-your-fingers-and-it’s-done type of thing.
Once I made up my mind, “opportunities” arose for me to refine my reactions until there were no longer any reactions…only action. As I became aware, I was able to act more, react less, until no more reactions.
This changed my energy, which changed the energy signal I was putting out into the energetic realm. This, in turn, kind of turned off the old victim-mode energy and began the more positive people and experiences entering my life.
Bluntly, it took work on my part – so, no, it was easy; but it was doable.
Silver-Lining
One way to begin, and I’ve talked about this before, is finding the silver-lining in each situation – and sometimes that can seem like an impossible task, especially if you reacted and are still carrying the victim-mode energy. You have to work at it; to change your energy towards it and/or the experience.
What good came out of it? Well, for starters, you survived.
By changing your energy, you are not condoning someone else’s part in the experience – but again, you’re not going to keep giving your power over to someone else nor allow them to live rent-free in your head. You’re not going to stop living; you’re not going to perpetuate the “Why me?!” energy.
Reaction Versus Action
To me, reaction is allowing someone or some incident to create a sense of helplessness or allow someone to “yank your chain” to have you get angry, sad, scared, etc.
Action, again to me, is to do something to step out of that reaction energy. Stepping back; not engaging, takes the fuel out of the fire of the situation. This is taking action. No anger, fear, helplessness, etc. It’s more like, “Nope, not playing in this game anymore.” Removing yourself from it is a taking a step back.
When I used to work with abused women (I am not a counselor), I realized that they won’t make any changes until they are ready, not matter what I, or anyone else, may say. The same was for me with my first husband – nothing changed until I was ready to say, “No more!” and stepped out of that abusive relationship. I had to act instead of react.
When I was in martial arts, one of the main points of martial arts taught to me was to not engage. But, still have the skills to defend oneself if necessary…otherwise, you walk away. Action, not reaction.
What’s the Next Step?
To live your life and, preferably, find the silver-lining to any bumps in the road as you travel your path.
I do recommend seeing a therapist or counselor to aid in re-empowering yourself and beginning the journey into different life energy.
One Last Story
I am not sharing this story to puff myself up, but to show what a change in energy may do for you.
– – –
When I was in high school, I was one of the “cool” (not in the good way) kids. Across the street from me lived a girl, we’ll call her “Sue”, and she was a goody-two-shoe. We did not hang out together and basically ignored one another’s existence.
One day, my mother (I think it was her) informed me that Sue – in the middle a Sunday afternoon – had been hit head on by a drunk driver and was in the hospital. Her prognosis was iffy.
Later on, I was told that Sue had survived, but the accident had put her in a wheelchair, and was now back home.
I went across the street and knocked on the door. Sue’s mother answered. Her eyes lit up, both with surprise and with hope. I noticed that behind the mom, the house was dark and heavy; no lights were on. I asked if I could see Sue. She asked me to wait a minute while she went to ask Sue, and she closed the door.
When the mom opened the door again, she was crestfallen. “She said no. She doesn’t want to see anyone.”
I said, “Okay, I’ll be back tomorrow.”
I went each day; each day it was the same response.
After about a week of this, I knocked on the door. The mother answered, “Jan, she refuses to see anyone.” The mother’s eyes were so sad…she’d given up.
“Oh, that’s okay. I just came by to drop this off,” and held up a gift. “I’ll come back tomorrow.” And left.
The following day, I knocked on the door. When the mother answered, not only was there a twinkle in her eye, but she was also smiling, and, except for the hallway leading to the bedrooms, the rest of house was lit up. “Jan! Come in, and I’ll ask Sue if she wants to see you.”
I stepped in and the mother hurried down the still unlit hallway. Shortly, I see the mom pushing a wheelchair down the hall; mom had a huge grin on her face.
Sue and I made eye contact. I said something along the lines of, “Dang, girl. That looks like it hurts.” Sue smiled. It wasn’t a full face smile, but I was happy to see it.
Mom informed us that she’d leave us to talk and told Sue to call her when she was tired.
I can’t tell you what all we talked about except that she really enjoyed her gift.
When she said she was tired, mom came back to wheel Sue to her room, but asked that I wait until she finished settling Sue in her room.
When she came back, she asked me, “How did you know?”
I explained, “Sometimes we need a little help bringing color back into our life, and we need a little instant gratification. Besides, we’re never too old for it.”
The gift changed Sue’s outlook on her life and she began living again.
Her gift? A box of crayons and a coloring book.
*This article is my opinion and perception. Please take what fits you, and leave the rest. And remember, it’s okay to seek out a counselor or therapist to help you; there’s no shame in asking for help to re-empower yourself.
By Jan Toomer
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